So, I feel bad for Horatio. I mean, really really bad. He's Hamlet's best friend so the prince trusts him to remain loyal to him; the guards trusted him with the secret of having seen Old Hamlet's ghost; Claudius and Gertrude trust him to be loyal to them. He's got a lot riding on his shoulders. He's helpless, really.
I mean, first of all he's been called back from his studies in England to attend his best friend's father's funeral...slash his best friend's mother's wedding. All together now: "Awkward Turtle." Now he's got Bernardio waking him up in the middle of the night to come see some BS apparition that--HOLY CRAP IT'S A GHOST! It's the middle of the night, he's in Denmark on unpleasant business anyway, he's tired, he's cold, and now he's just soiled his doublet. Also, he has to be the one to tell Hamlet, "M'Lord I saw your father yesternight." After getting scared out of his wits a second time, having to let Hamlet go off with the ghost of his father, and standing there again freezing, the ghost feels the need to get all Big Rumbly Voice on him, telling him to swear on Hamlet's sword. And this is just the first act.
Throughout the rest of the play, he's feeling totally awkward with Hamlet acting absolutely bonkers around him while knowing (or, at least, hoping) that the prince is completely sane. In the end, SPOILERS everyone's dead and who's left standing? Horatio. If it weren't for the room full of courtiers, the bloodbath with the body count at a whopping three royals and a noble (not including Polonius and Ophelia from earlier) would probably have given birth to the first episode of Criminal Minds. Poor Horatio has the patience of Job to have to see and hear and do such things, to have to be a part of this awful tragedy, and not just cut his own wrists. Surely Shakespeare must have some pity on him right? Being the last one standing, surely he at least has the honor of the last lines of the play?
Nope! Not even Horatio gets a happy ending. Because when Shakespeare wanted to kill people, he was a tool about it. No noble deaths for the doomed ones, and no dignified, honored ending for the survivors. You know who gets the last lines of the play? Fortinbras! Yeah, the king of Norway's nephew who was mentioned, like, twice in the entire thing! Hamlet's last lines include instructions to tell everybody what happened and that Fortinbras gets to be king since everyone else is dead. Horatio has a small lamentation speech and you'd think that'd be the end of it. Noooo...Cue an ambassador and Fortinbras. All the ambassador has to say is "Well that's too bad...I was just sent all the way from England to tell Claudius that his orders to kill two random peons who showed up on our doorstep have been carried out." Fortinbras isn't much better. His reaction is "holy crap guys! This is a blood bath! Horatio, what happened?" "Well, it's kinda obvious...everyone's dead. Hamlet said you get to be king." "Great! Where's my crown? Oh I mean...um...Right, it's very sad Hamlet's dead." The end!
Seriously, that's how it ends. Horatio gets no reward that we know of for his patience, his loyalty to everyone involved in so far as he could keep it, nothing. He's just the random background guy, like Benvolio. The only difference is that Benvolio disappears after Act III because the Romeo and Juliet double-suicide was kinda really public. If Horatio hadn't stuck around there wouldn't be anyone to explain this random death crap and it'd be like one of those legendary ghost ships you hear about that were just floating in the water with no one on board.
Horatio's life sucks. I demand a rewrite where he at least gets some sort of monetary compensation for being the one to deal with everyone's emotional BS. Where's the shoulder for Horatio to cry on, hmm?? Where was Hamlet when Horatio felt like acting a little nutty? Where was Claudius when he needed someone to be a spy? Poor Yorick?! Alas, poor Horatio! Seriously...Rosencrantz and Guildenstern got their own amazing spinoff, I demand one for Horatio, too!
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