Okay so I know that the official policy of any restaurant is "the customer is always right." If you've ever actually worked in food service or (I'm assuming) retail, you know that this is a bold-faced lie. That's not what we think. You know what we think, what our "unofficial policy" is? "The customer is always a tool." Make no mistake, if you make more than one complaint you will be automatically hated by the entire staff, right up to the managers. Of course, we give the nice customers their due; we love friendly customers. But if you're one of those people who constantly complains, makes a million alterations to your order, or is always trying to find something wrong with the food because you're hyper-critical or so tight with money you squeak when you walk, the restaurant industry is a miserable place to work because of you.
At the Deli where I work, we have a woman who comes in once a week to get a sandwich. She orders a turkey and cheese sandwich, but makes so many alterations she winds up with a chicken salad sandwich with extra cheese and bacon. She does all that to make it cheaper. Every week she does this and every week she gets enraged that all of the extra she ordered--which the menu clearly says costs extra--actually costs extra. And then, if you please, she wants us to take her to-go order out to her car because she's got two children in the car. We don't do curbside orders and if she's really too worried about her children in the car she ought to bring them into the restaurant with her where it takes fifteen minutes to take her ridiculous order.
And it's not just the custom orders which causes the restaurant employees to sigh and roll their eyes.
If you're at a restaurant where you stand in line to order and there is a large menu erected behind the counter, take advantage of the brief wait and read it. If there are descriptions of the dishes which interest you, read those too. That way, when you get to the front of the line you won't have to stand there asking the cashier, "so...what's this...? And this?" They're busy, they're not interested in your life story, and they don't even really care about what you want. They care about putting your order in correctly so you don't complain and getting the next person in line. Come to think of it, that's what waiters and waitresses have the same concerns. You're paying their check, that's all; they don't actually care.
If you need something and someone else at your table needs something as well, tell your server at the same time, no matter what sort of restaurant you've chosen. This goes for refills as well. They're very busy and don't want to have to make multiple trips for the same table.
We understand you're engrossed in your conversation, but take time to say "please" and "thank you" when your server brings your food. And don't give them that incredibly imperious look as if they should be grateful they have the incredible opportunity to bring you food because you're too lazy to make it yourself.
This is the biggest one: dirty tables. If you seat yourself, take notice of the tables. Do some of them have something at the end, like a salt or pepper shaker or one of those little mini menus in the hard plastic (table tents)? Is it only some of them and not others? If so, don't sit there. That means that the table needs to be wiped down and if you sit there they have to interrupt your conversation in order to wipe down the table. If there are other tables available, but there's one conveniently near which is dirty, go to another clean table. Don't hover around the busser like a vulture, waiting to swoop down on the just-cleaned table only to make it dirty again. It goes double if they haven't wiped down the table yet; then not only have you been hovering and making them nervous, but you've got the previous problem of them having to interrupt you to wipe down the table.
As a food service unfortunate, I ask only that you treat restaurant employees with the same respect you treat everyone else. Just because they can't get another job (because believe me, if they could they would) doesn't mean they're any less human than you.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Cartoon relationships make no sense...
"Of course they don't, silly hobbit! That's why they're cartoons!" ~You, the reader.
No I mean like...in context of the real world, there are just some cartoon romances which make absolutely NO sense! The shouldn't even exist because it's all based on a relationship which would never happen! I mean, sure you have relationship that make sense like Belle and the Beast, Mulan and Shang, Simba and Nala. They actually spent time together, developed first a friendship then a relationship. Y'know, the way real people (and...er...talking animals...) do. But since I'm so incredibly cool that I spent my Sunday watching Disney VHS tapes, I've noticed something...
Many of the relationships are based on lies or looks. Starting out with the obvious: Cinderella and Snow White. They marry total strangers because it's the first boy they kissed. If I had married the first boy I kissed...well, lets just say there would be a very messy divorce involved within the year. Snow White has something extra to worry about with her Prince Charming being a necrophiliac. I mean seriously...everybody thought she was dead and he kissed her anyway? Sleeping Beauty's prince at least had a hint in the name. But I'd be kinda cautious when accepting a proposal from a guy who goes around kissing corpses.
Glancing at the top row of my bookshelf at the movies, I'll go to the next relationship which might not be so obvious in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Quasimodo loves Esmeralda because she's beautiful and saved him from the cruelty of crowd at the Feast of Fools. Frollo loves Esmeralda because she's mysterious and exhotic and he's a sexually repressed priest. Phoebus loves Esmeralda coz she's hot. I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that this is about as close to the book by Victor Hugo as the Disney movie gets. Now, let's take Frollo out of the equasion because he's old and creepy and wants to kill Esmeralda. We're left with Quasi and Phoebus. Quasi loves Esmeralda because not only is she beautiful, but she's nice; she stood up for him when no one else would. Furthermore, Frollo always taught him that gypsies are evil, and that's simply not the case so it's just another pleasant surprise. Esmeralda is friends with Quasi because he looks weird and creepy, but he's really this sweet, kind-hearted man who helps her and is just really an all-around nice guy. Phoebus loves Esmeralda (we think) because she's sassy and hot. Esmeralda loves Phoebus (again, we think) because even though she hates soldiers he's really hot and all Captain-y. So who does she go for: the hot guy, or the deformed but really sweet guy? Yup! Women are shallow whores, everyone! But, to be fair, so are golden-haired Captains-of-the-Guard. The only chemistry they have is that they both hate Frollo and want to save the gypsies...which is also something Esme and Quasi totally share.
But perhaps you'll point out to me that the plot of that movie wasn't based entirely on the relationship (except it totally was, where Quasi's concerned ;P). So...how about Aladdin. Aside from the villain's plot to rule everything, a lot of the story was based on Aladdin and Jasmine's relationship...which was based on lies and deceit. Jasmine lied (by omission) about not being the princess just before Aladdin lied about being a prince. And THEN Aladdin lied about lying by omission (he was a prince in disguise as a street rat in the market place). Jasmine was surprised to find that Aladdin was actually the street rat he'd "pretended" to be before?? He saved Agraba because it was kinda obligatory at that point...seeing as the whole thing was all his fault in the first place. Yet...they get married. "No, Jasmine! I wasn't at Aaminah's house! I told you...I was visiting my erm...brother...yeah...And his wife. That's what the perfume you smell is..."
The most staggeringly non-sensical award, however, goes to...a tie! *Audience gasps* The Swan Princess and Thumbelina, both Don Bluth animations I believe (correct me if I'm wrong; I know the latter is I'm not sure about the former), make absolutely no sense romantically speaking. Starting with The Swan Princess because I love it anyway and was watching it last night: Derek and Odette are engaged pretty much at birth. Their parents being nicer than real-life royalty and actually caring about whether they were dooming their children to a loveless marriage decided to get them used to each other by spending every summer together. As explained in this musical number, they don't get along at first, and as they grow up they continue not to get along until their mid-to-late teens where they sort-of get along, then at the convenient-to-the-story age of 18 they find they like each other. That's pretty normal, actually. Happens all the time. So when they finally realize they love each other the lines are "(Odette:) I see him smile and my knees start buckling,/ I see inside him and my doubts are gone. (Derek:) She started out as such an ugly duckling,/Then somehow suddenly became a swan." So off the bat we've got Odette looking at the inside while Derek sees that she's beautiful. After the musical number, Derek announces that they should arrange the marriage! Happiness! But oh, silly Odette. She wants to know why Prince Derek loves her, silly girl. Derek's reply? "You're all I've ever wanted! You're beautiful!" "What else?" "What else...? *durhur look*" After a moment's hesitation and prodding from his mother, his answer is, "What else is there?" Even the conductor knows this is the wrong answer! So Odette decides they can't get married. Yay! A strong female lead! ...Nope, no, sorry. Forgot the part where the bad guy (a smart bad guy for once, at that!) kills Odette's father and taking her hostage. She's forced to be a swan by day and human only when the moonlight touches her wings while she's on a specific hidden pond. The bad guy will break the spell when she agrees to marry him (because he's tried taking it, but "once you take something by force, you spend your whole life fighting to keep it." See? Smart bad guy). Suddenly, she's in love with Prince Derek and would marry him tomorrow. Derek hasn't changed; he doesn't mention anything about how smart or funny she is. He just keeps obsessing about swans and The Great Animal. Odette, however, is suddenly just hopelessly in love with him even when nobody's looking. How does that work??
More baffling is Thumbelina, which I also love, for the record, and watch multiple times anyway. So Thumbelina is this little wingless girl the size of your thumb who thinks she's the only little person in the whole world and the fairies in the stories her mother tells her don't exist. Still, it's nice to dream so she has her "mother" lay her little walnut bed on the windowsill with the book open so she can look at the pictures and play pretend while she falls asleep. Suddenly, Cornelius the Fairie Prince hears her singing and decides to stop in, unannounced. Thumbelina freaks out over having someone her size and fairies existing (both understandable) and asks him all about it until she gets frightened by the sound of his pet bumblebee. He offers her a ride, and through the course of another, shorter musical number, they fall in love. Naturally! After a toad mistakes her innocent blown kiss as a confession of ever-lasting love as she and the fairie prince buzz by the lilypad, Mrs. Toad (who has a pair of enormous boobs instead of a torso like normal toads because she's animated Charo) kidnaps her so she can marry Grandel (the toad). Cornelius then spends the rest of the movie trying to find Thumbelina--reasonable--so he can marry her. Erm...what?? They just spent three minutes flying around the block and that was the determining factor in their getting married? And it's not just the prince under the impression that they're going to get married, either. Thumbelina's reasons for not marrying Grandel are "I love Prince Cornelius! I think I'm gonna marry him..." Seriously. Does nobody else see anything wrong with this?? Thumbelina here is as bad as Cinderella!
I mean really...I know that selling colorful fairy tales to children is their job but they should if not make it believable, at least set a good example for children. Seriously guys...do you work for Disney Chanel or something???
No I mean like...in context of the real world, there are just some cartoon romances which make absolutely NO sense! The shouldn't even exist because it's all based on a relationship which would never happen! I mean, sure you have relationship that make sense like Belle and the Beast, Mulan and Shang, Simba and Nala. They actually spent time together, developed first a friendship then a relationship. Y'know, the way real people (and...er...talking animals...) do. But since I'm so incredibly cool that I spent my Sunday watching Disney VHS tapes, I've noticed something...
Many of the relationships are based on lies or looks. Starting out with the obvious: Cinderella and Snow White. They marry total strangers because it's the first boy they kissed. If I had married the first boy I kissed...well, lets just say there would be a very messy divorce involved within the year. Snow White has something extra to worry about with her Prince Charming being a necrophiliac. I mean seriously...everybody thought she was dead and he kissed her anyway? Sleeping Beauty's prince at least had a hint in the name. But I'd be kinda cautious when accepting a proposal from a guy who goes around kissing corpses.
Glancing at the top row of my bookshelf at the movies, I'll go to the next relationship which might not be so obvious in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Quasimodo loves Esmeralda because she's beautiful and saved him from the cruelty of crowd at the Feast of Fools. Frollo loves Esmeralda because she's mysterious and exhotic and he's a sexually repressed priest. Phoebus loves Esmeralda coz she's hot. I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that this is about as close to the book by Victor Hugo as the Disney movie gets. Now, let's take Frollo out of the equasion because he's old and creepy and wants to kill Esmeralda. We're left with Quasi and Phoebus. Quasi loves Esmeralda because not only is she beautiful, but she's nice; she stood up for him when no one else would. Furthermore, Frollo always taught him that gypsies are evil, and that's simply not the case so it's just another pleasant surprise. Esmeralda is friends with Quasi because he looks weird and creepy, but he's really this sweet, kind-hearted man who helps her and is just really an all-around nice guy. Phoebus loves Esmeralda (we think) because she's sassy and hot. Esmeralda loves Phoebus (again, we think) because even though she hates soldiers he's really hot and all Captain-y. So who does she go for: the hot guy, or the deformed but really sweet guy? Yup! Women are shallow whores, everyone! But, to be fair, so are golden-haired Captains-of-the-Guard. The only chemistry they have is that they both hate Frollo and want to save the gypsies...which is also something Esme and Quasi totally share.
But perhaps you'll point out to me that the plot of that movie wasn't based entirely on the relationship (except it totally was, where Quasi's concerned ;P). So...how about Aladdin. Aside from the villain's plot to rule everything, a lot of the story was based on Aladdin and Jasmine's relationship...which was based on lies and deceit. Jasmine lied (by omission) about not being the princess just before Aladdin lied about being a prince. And THEN Aladdin lied about lying by omission (he was a prince in disguise as a street rat in the market place). Jasmine was surprised to find that Aladdin was actually the street rat he'd "pretended" to be before?? He saved Agraba because it was kinda obligatory at that point...seeing as the whole thing was all his fault in the first place. Yet...they get married. "No, Jasmine! I wasn't at Aaminah's house! I told you...I was visiting my erm...brother...yeah...And his wife. That's what the perfume you smell is..."
The most staggeringly non-sensical award, however, goes to...a tie! *Audience gasps* The Swan Princess and Thumbelina, both Don Bluth animations I believe (correct me if I'm wrong; I know the latter is I'm not sure about the former), make absolutely no sense romantically speaking. Starting with The Swan Princess because I love it anyway and was watching it last night: Derek and Odette are engaged pretty much at birth. Their parents being nicer than real-life royalty and actually caring about whether they were dooming their children to a loveless marriage decided to get them used to each other by spending every summer together. As explained in this musical number, they don't get along at first, and as they grow up they continue not to get along until their mid-to-late teens where they sort-of get along, then at the convenient-to-the-story age of 18 they find they like each other. That's pretty normal, actually. Happens all the time. So when they finally realize they love each other the lines are "(Odette:) I see him smile and my knees start buckling,/ I see inside him and my doubts are gone. (Derek:) She started out as such an ugly duckling,/Then somehow suddenly became a swan." So off the bat we've got Odette looking at the inside while Derek sees that she's beautiful. After the musical number, Derek announces that they should arrange the marriage! Happiness! But oh, silly Odette. She wants to know why Prince Derek loves her, silly girl. Derek's reply? "You're all I've ever wanted! You're beautiful!" "What else?" "What else...? *durhur look*" After a moment's hesitation and prodding from his mother, his answer is, "What else is there?" Even the conductor knows this is the wrong answer! So Odette decides they can't get married. Yay! A strong female lead! ...Nope, no, sorry. Forgot the part where the bad guy (a smart bad guy for once, at that!) kills Odette's father and taking her hostage. She's forced to be a swan by day and human only when the moonlight touches her wings while she's on a specific hidden pond. The bad guy will break the spell when she agrees to marry him (because he's tried taking it, but "once you take something by force, you spend your whole life fighting to keep it." See? Smart bad guy). Suddenly, she's in love with Prince Derek and would marry him tomorrow. Derek hasn't changed; he doesn't mention anything about how smart or funny she is. He just keeps obsessing about swans and The Great Animal. Odette, however, is suddenly just hopelessly in love with him even when nobody's looking. How does that work??
More baffling is Thumbelina, which I also love, for the record, and watch multiple times anyway. So Thumbelina is this little wingless girl the size of your thumb who thinks she's the only little person in the whole world and the fairies in the stories her mother tells her don't exist. Still, it's nice to dream so she has her "mother" lay her little walnut bed on the windowsill with the book open so she can look at the pictures and play pretend while she falls asleep. Suddenly, Cornelius the Fairie Prince hears her singing and decides to stop in, unannounced. Thumbelina freaks out over having someone her size and fairies existing (both understandable) and asks him all about it until she gets frightened by the sound of his pet bumblebee. He offers her a ride, and through the course of another, shorter musical number, they fall in love. Naturally! After a toad mistakes her innocent blown kiss as a confession of ever-lasting love as she and the fairie prince buzz by the lilypad, Mrs. Toad (who has a pair of enormous boobs instead of a torso like normal toads because she's animated Charo) kidnaps her so she can marry Grandel (the toad). Cornelius then spends the rest of the movie trying to find Thumbelina--reasonable--so he can marry her. Erm...what?? They just spent three minutes flying around the block and that was the determining factor in their getting married? And it's not just the prince under the impression that they're going to get married, either. Thumbelina's reasons for not marrying Grandel are "I love Prince Cornelius! I think I'm gonna marry him..." Seriously. Does nobody else see anything wrong with this?? Thumbelina here is as bad as Cinderella!
I mean really...I know that selling colorful fairy tales to children is their job but they should if not make it believable, at least set a good example for children. Seriously guys...do you work for Disney Chanel or something???
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